Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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