shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
