He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
