I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i think im in europe. pls send help
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