you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They have beer where we have blood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
