Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
