from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't notice because vodka
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
