Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
