Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
