i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
