R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
