it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
