I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
