then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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