I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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