Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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