A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Buhtt sex?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
