Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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