Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
