he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
