i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
