If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
