I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
