You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
