yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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