i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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