That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
