I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
