I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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