Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
