he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
