Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
