Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
