that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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