M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
