I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
