turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
