I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
