is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
