You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
