I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
