so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
