we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
