Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
