...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
