she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
