I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
