hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
