If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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