People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he just fucked me for my cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
